Hogwarts; a 3rd Year History
by FF Queen
Summary: Lol, what happens when Hermione invites Muggles into Hogwarts to film a documentry? More trouble then Fred, George, Harry and Ron can cause all together!
1. Default Chapter

A Real Life Documentry hosted by Ron, Harry and Hermione  
  
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A/N: No, I don't own anything in this story, not even the story line! (A friend did!) O_o Anyway, enjoy... Oh, and parts of it will be mildly disturbing. ^^  
  
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*Hermione walks into the Gryffindor Common Room with a camera crew behind her*  
  
Ron: *looks up from his home work (surprise, surprise!)* What are they doing here? They're Muggles Hermione!  
  
Hermione: I know that. But they're so thick that they think they're in Buckingham Palace. *clears her throat and looks at the camera* My na-  
  
Ron: *looks annoyed* Her name is Hermione Granger the smartest smartass in school that just invited Muggles into Hogwarts. And I'm Ron Weasley, her not so stupid (Hermione: Oh please!) frien- AHHHH!!!! SPIDER!!!!!  
  
Hermione: Yes, well um.... you can see Ron here wets himself at the sight of a daddy long legs....*laughs and points at the small spider sitting at the opposite side of the Common Room*  
  
Ron: Shut up, I would be scared of them if I didn't live with Fred and George.....or if I didn't break that toy broomstick....*shudders*  
  
Hermione: And here's the 3rd year's biggest git, just kidding Harry, you'd be tied with Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy. *smiles innocently as Harry glares at her* I didn't say anything Harry....  
  
Ron: I find that hard to believe....  
  
Hermione: Just keep your trap shut you! *she flicks her wand and a nailed down metal strip fastens itself over Ron's mouth*  
  
Harry: Channel 94875957392??  
  
Hermione: *nodds* Best TV station there is.....  
  
Harry: Okay.... But what's the point of recording something boring like this, when you could be recording one of my astounding Snitch captures against Slytherin..... *makes a grabbing motion with his hand*  
  
Hermione: I think McGonagall made a big mistake when she made you Seeker.....  
  
Harry: Why? *looks dumbfounded*  
  
Hermione: Because your heads swollen 10000000 times it's normal size! *groans*  
  
Harry: Well at least I don't strut! *shoots another death glare in her direction, which was more pathetic than the last attempt*  
  
Hermione: *sighs* I give up.....  
  
Harry: Does that mean I get to take over? *begs with puppy eyes*  
  
Hermione: No way! As if anyone would want to watch your so-called 'amazing' Snitch capture against Malfoy 10 million times in a row!  
  
Harry: I promise I'll only show that capture once.....I'll show my others too!  
  
Hermione: *sighs and walks away*  
  
Harry: Hey, Hermione!! *thinks* Hang on! That means I get to take over! Whooooooo!!! *uncurses Ron*  
  
Ron: *rubs his mouth* Great! A Quidditch channel for the Muggles!  
  
Harry: Yep, I just have to replay those games.... Ron, you can be Malfoy, mainly because you can't play Quidditch to save your life, Lee would be more than happy to commentate....  
  
Ron: *rubs his clenched fist* I AM NOT BEING THE BOUNCING FERRET!!!  
  
Harry: *holds out his wand* Protest against me again Ron, and I'll let you have it! *dark, evil grin*  
  
Ron: Okay, okay....*mumbles some curse words under his breath*  
  
Harry: *shoves a long, blond wig on Ron's head* There! Now hurry up and order a Nimbus 2001!  
  
Ron: *blank look* Okay, we'll be right back!  
  
Harry: Hey that's my line! *clears his throat* We'll be right back! *camera cuts out*  
  
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Harry: *casts another hopeless death glare at FFQ* WHAT?!  
  
Hermione: This is wrong, Harry DOES strut....  
  
Ron: Whoooooo!!! I GET A NIMBUS 2001!!!!!  
  
FFQ: Hang on Ron, what if they're sold out? *evil smirk*  
  
Ron: DAMMIT!!!  
  
Harry: You could ride my Nimbus 2000....  
  
Ron: It's broken you bloody git!  
  
Harry: Oh yeah.....I forgot......Well, glue it back together! Hermione could help....  
  
Hermione: As if! Besides, if I helped Ron fix the Nimbus 2000 in the next chapter, FFQ will make us do ANOTHER kissing scene! *shudders* You Muggles are GROSS!!  
  
Ron: Hey! I'm not that bad! *kisses her with a laugh as Hermione screams* Besides, could be Draco or Snape....  
  
Hermione: But they're good kissers! Anyway, they're not Ronald McDonald!!  
  
FFQ: Too bad Hermione! Harry you're a genius! *hugs Harry so tight that he nearly suffocates*  
  
Ron and Hermione: HARRY!!!!!!  
  
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A./N: What'd ya think? Nice piece of insanity for your daily dose? I think I've had enough insanity for a life time when I wrote this! :P 


	2. Chapter 2- Hermione's dreaded kissing sc...

A Real Life Documentry hosted by Ron, Harry and Hermione  
  
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A/N: No, I don't own anything in this story, not even the story line! (A friend did!) O_o Anyway, enjoy... Oh, and parts of it will be mildly disturbing. ^^  
  
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Chapter 2 - Hermione's Dreaded Kissing Scene With Ron  
  
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Hermione: Dammit FFQ! Why did you HAVE to do this? *paces the room nervously*  
  
FFQ: *smirks and remains silent eating KFC Popcorn Chicken* Mmmmm.....Chicken......  
  
Hermione: Fine! Pay more attention to your damn food then!  
  
FFQ: Good, that's what I was doing....*pours about 5 chicken bits into her mouth* Oh look. *points* Ron!  
  
Hermione: *shudders a little and takes her seat at the table*  
  
FFQ: Okay, Lumos, camera and action! *flicks her wand for the lighting and laughs insanely*  
  
Ron: *walks in wearing a cheeky smirk and takes his place at the table next to Hermione*  
  
Hermione: *glares at FFQ before fiddling around with some of the broken broomstick*  
  
FFQ: *chuckles silently to herself, still eating her chicken*  
  
Hermione: *sighs* Well? Are you going to kiss me or what?  
  
Ron and FFQ: *both look stunned. FFQ spits the last of her chicken onto the floor*  
  
Ron: *blinks and leans fowards to kiss her*  
  
Hermione: As if I'm going to kiss you! *laughs and smacks Ron across the head with the biggest part of the Nimbus 2000 she could find*  
  
*Oliver walks out of nowhere with a seductive smile on his face* (A/N: Is Oliver hot or what?!)  
  
FFQ and Hermione: *they both glare at each other, as poor Oliver just stands there with part confusion*  
  
Hermione: No way! He's mine! *tries to pin Oliver to the ground, but FFQ knocks her out of the road and plants a long kiss on a very surprised (and disturbed) Oliver*  
  
Oliver: *finally gets a breath* What in the hell?!  
  
Hermione: *points at FFQ* It's her fault!! *she runs back over to Ron, trying to look innocent*  
  
FFQ: ?!  
  
Oliver: *laughs and kisses FFQ back* Well I like it! *snickers cheekily as Hermione shoots a jealous glance at FFQ and the 'Finger'* Hey! You've being eating Popcorn Chicken! My favourite!  
  
FFQ: Okay, it's your turn with Ron now Hermione! *giggles*  
  
Hermione: *takes a deep breath* Okay, here goes nothing.....*kisses Ron full on*  
  
Ron: *looks slightly disturbed as Hermione wraps her arms around his neck*  
  
Hermione: *finally pulls away from him* Hell, I was wrong! You are a better kisser than Snape!  
  
FFQ and Oliver: *they both look very, very, very, very, very disturbed*  
  
Hermione: Cr@p!! Did I just say that on live TV?!! *the camera cuts out after Hermione pushes a few buttons, first zooming right in in on Ron's nostril then going blurry*  
  
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A/N: Sorry, I had to put my fantasies into one of my fics! ^_^; (Which, of course, is to pash that total babe, Oliver Wood!) And one more note before I go, check out Sean's booty shot when he's tackling the Bludger to the ground. *hits the pause button on her VCR* Mmmmm.....Sean......O.o; 


End file.
